


Agony of the Feet

by Rose_of_Pollux



Series: Inktober for Writers 2017 [2]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (TV)
Genre: M/M, Slice of Life, post-retirement
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2017-10-04
Packaged: 2019-01-09 02:44:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12267282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rose_of_Pollux/pseuds/Rose_of_Pollux
Summary: Post-retirement; Napoleon questions Illya’s purchase of an acupressure footmat





	Agony of the Feet

**Author's Note:**

> For Prompt 2 of Inktober for Writers: Barefoot

Illya noted that, sometimes, despite Napoleon’s thirst for adventure, Napoleon could loaf around in a way that rivaled their cat, Baba Yaga. Their mandatory retirement from U.N.C.L.E. often resulted in Napoleon relaxing in a beach chair for a large portion of the day, usually with Baba Yaga snoozing in the chair’s shadow.

Illya would find things to do during this time, as his skin was sensitive to sunlight, and on one such occasion, he had spent the day shopping in Honolulu and had settled in for a nap inside their bungalow afterwards.

He was awakened by loud yelps from Napoleon a little while later as he entered the bedroom.

“Ow, ow, ow…!”

“Ah, Napoleon, assuming you are not sunburned, it would seem that you have discovered my new acupressure mat.”

“Is _that_ what that is!?” Napoleon quipped, now sitting on the bed, massaging his feet. “I thought it was some sort of trap!”

“I suppose it could double as one,” Illya mused. “But, no, Napoleon; I got that to improve circulation of the feet.”

Napoleon stared as Illya got up and stood on the prickly mat.

“See? Standing on it helps improve circulation—there are also larger ones for back circulation, as well.”

“…Don’t tell me you got one of _those_ , too…”

“ _Nyet_ ; I am seeing how this one works first.”

“Well, Tovarisch, I’m just letting you know now that if you do end up getting one of these for your back, I’m going order twin beds, because there is no way I’m getting into bed with one of those on your side of it.”

“Really?” Illya teased, arching an eyebrow at him.

“…Well, okay, one way,” Napoleon admitted. “Where the heck did you find that thing, anyway?”

“Oh, it’s rather new on the market,” Illya said, still standing on the mat. “It was patented by someone in Russia.”

“…So, of course, you had to support your fellow countryman’s endeavors?”

“Well, I thought it would be nice to try it. And, anyway, it doesn’t hurt.”

“That’s a matter of opinion,” Napoleon grumbled. “How can you even stand that thing? Or are you just hungry for punishment?”

“It’s not as bad as you think once you’re used to it! And you know, Napoleon, it might be good for your circulation, too.”

“My circulation is just fine, thank you very much!” Napoleon countered. “Or would you like a practical demonstration?”

Illya just chuckled.

“Anyway,” Napoleon said. “I know the perfect place for this—right inside of the front door.”

“Ah, to help with circulation after a long walk?”

“No, as a trap for thieves or any THRUSHies that somehow end up finding out where we are,” Napoleon said. “In fact, now that I think about it, could we buy a few more of these? We can place them under the windows!”

Illya rolled his eyes, but then couldn’t help but laugh. They both had their eccentricities, but they always seemed to make them work.


End file.
